The Eighth Plague, SoCal Style

Locusts are fine and dandy, but flies are much more Southern California appropriate.

I first noticed the damned dirty flies Saturday evening when I was rinsing a glass. There were about 5 of them sitting on the basil and mint leaves growing from my swanky AeroGarden, which sits on the alcove behind the kitchen sink. I figured the damned dirty flies were laying their eggs in the dark murky waters of the AeroGarden, so I switched it off and resolved to clean it the next day. I was about to ring the death knell for the herbs and start over with a new batch, so it didn't really bother me that I was going to kill 'em. 'Sides, the basil was getting old and bitter (and the only thing oldand bitter in our household is John!).

On Sunday, I was out in the foyer, and DISGUSTED to see no fewer than 12 damned dirty flies grasping the curtains with their spiney little damned dirty feet. I commented about it to John, and told him we needed to do something about it. I had visions of a tented house. John had other ideas.

In a horrendously loud BOOM, John took my brand new pad of graph paper and slayed 14 damned dirty flies (ok, it might have been several BOOMs). Scared the poopie out of the cats, who went tearing upstairs. The back of my graph paper pad is gross and bloody, but there's definitely a sense of satisfaction in it--good thing we're not Hindu/Buddhist; the karmic burden would be tiresome!

I think my count is up to seventeen. EDIT: I killed 9 others when we were home for lunch!

Josh claims he off'd a few, though I've yet to see their bodies, so I don't know if I believe him.

While John was exacting Biblical wrath on the damned dirty flies, I started cleaning out the AeroGarden. Woweee...those herbs amassed quite an impressive root bundle. I had to cut them apart. After I had it nice and clean, I felt smug. I thought about damned dirty flies mating in my AeroGarden, and felt a bit glad I hadn't been using the herbs for a while. As I fantisized more about damned dirty flies mating, the thought occurred to me that the AeroGarden includes an aerator that keeps the water circulating and properly oxygenates. Something from 10th grade biology clicked in my wee brain, and I remembered that most common bugs that lay eggs in water like still waters, not bubbling waters (thanks, Mr. Hammond!), so surely, the AeroGarden wasn't the site of the damned dirty flies' love-making rituals.

Now, what do we have in our house with stagnant water perfect for the gyrations of damned dirty flies reproducing? The 28-gallon presently unoccupied fish tank, half full of water! I peered through the salt/calcium stained tank, and saw tiny little flecks of cream-coloured eggs...and some damned dirty flies making the most of a cozy Sunday afternoon! Bleach in hand, I ensured the progeny from those damned dirty flies would meet a timely demise.

So, because I know you all *love* pictures, here's one of the 9 I slaughtered at lunch:

I'm thinking of taking them to a taxidermist and having their little bodies stuffed and mounted so I can decorate the walls of the library with my kills. Whatdaya think?